Cat From The Mat

Full of Yourself

February is National Heart Month and offers all sorts of festivities, from Valentine's to Mardi Gras Day, celebrating US presidents as we segue from the Chinese year of the moving Horse to that of the healing Sheep.  Change is what happens when an obstruction is removed.  That tectonic-plate-feeling shift in 2014 has laid a foundation upon which to build this New Year, as if obstacles have been dismantled or highlighted in order to choose another path that flows.

As much as I do not subscribe to the Hallmarkian coupling promotion of Valentine's Day, I do agree that relationships are integral.  The relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for the ones you have with others.  And self-care is the source of it all.  While loving alliances may contribute to your needs, it's your job to take care of yourself and to meet your own needs. But why is taking care of YOU often looked upon as shameful or self-centered?

In English, we have two words that are at opposite ends of the spectrum:  Selfish and Selfless.  Both are judgments.  Being selfish is considered bad, while selflessness is looked upon as good.  This implies an all or none scenario, while neither option is helpful.

Why would losing your sense of self in order to put others’ needs first be regarded as ideal?  It may negate your own needs, which is often rewarded.   Equally out of balance is feeling guilty for taking care of yourself.  One extreme disconnects you from others, while the other creates separation from self. 

I prefer the term that Marshall Rosenberg (founder of NVC, Non-Violent Communication) uses, which is "Self-ful."   It gives being "full of yourself" a new twist…one that promotes fulfilling your own sense of nourishment, so that you can care for others without denying your own needs.  This to me is at the root of any connection, inside and out.

I encourage you to exercise your heart this Valentine's Day.  Do something that you may never think of doing, in promotion of Self-fulness. Feed your own needs and consider that this restorative agency could make you more resourceful and resilient in partnership.  You might even inspire others to self-connect.  Be full of yourself and take relationships to a new level!

Here's to 2015...a year of good health, healing happiness, and salubrious self-care! 

Cat From the Mat

February 2015